I know it's not Christmas anymore . . .

But look at that face!!

Addict

Steven and I recently made the decision to give up sugar (as much as we can). The sweets seem to take over our lives and our self-control, so giving it up is something we've both been really, really, really wanting to do. We used to talk about it a lot, and we've even tried several times before (halfheartedly).

But this time is supposed to be different. It's supposed to be fer real. (That's what I told Steven, "Let's give it up fer real.") And I'd love to say I've done well so far, but I have to confess . . . I've been cheating. Isn't that so bad of me? I had no idea I was such a weak person when it came to stuff like this.

So I'm admitting my problem. "My name is Luci and I'm a sugar addict", and all that. I'm telling myself that today's secret chocolates were my last, and that's it. In order to be a healthier person, I'm going to try and evaluate all my reasons for turning to sugar and sweets, and maybe answer the real need instead of using the substitute. I know that sounds heavy, but I think this is a serious issue for me. I'm certain right now---in this moment---that I am capable of taking control, but I know tomorrow (and even tonight) will be hard. Wish me luck!

Powering up

Check out our superhero-in-training.

Brandon does this sometimes when he's really excited. And sometimes when he's really mad. And sometimes I don't know which, honestly. Intense, though. Definitely.

"In the midde"-ing

It was 2:45am. My two men were sleeping like angels. I'd just finished pumping and was standing at the sink washing a few bottles before crawling into bed myself, when I turned around and saw this:

our bouncy swing in the pantry holding a used washcloth and a shopping bag (folded neatly, of course).

And as I went to move the shopping bag (it doesn't belong on a baby swing, after all---but then again, a baby swing doesn't belong in the pantry, does it?), I smiled. I realized this is my life, and I am happy.

I used to think (and sometimes do still think) that things need to be tidy and finished. All the laundry folded, all the drawers closed, every book in its place on the shelf. I honestly get a little thrill seeing pretty things new and clean and neat---before they're opened, even. Before they're used. (If a new box of crayons makes you happy, you know what I mean.)

But I haven't been able to reconcile that idea with the way I actually live my life. Because right now ALL the drawers of my dresser are currently open (and one's broken, to tell the truth---the front got yanked off so now I can't open or close it. I just have to reach in and search around for socks) . . . and there's a baby swing in my pantry that's apparently also doubling as a bag holder. I can't put things away fast enough before there are other things out and about all over the house. A dirty dish always spoils the clean dishwasher I just emptied. And I never make the bed.

I think what I've come to realize is life is not meant to be finished. It's never "over". I will always be in the middle of something. Always. As soon as I finish a load of laundry there are (inevitably) two or three outfits of Buddy's sitting in the bathroom sink because he's spit up or pooped or whatever. The toys get pulled out. The soap gets used up and we need to buy more. The milk is half gone and new bottles are dirty. All these things are cyclical in purpose and meant to be in use. Not on display or packed up in a box. Used. We are, after all, in the middle of living.

I used to think my life of being in the middle, in use, and unfinished was me falling short of the ideal. Other people's houses are so clean and neat it looks as if nobody lives in them. (How do they do that?) But seeing that shopping bag-holding baby swing in the pantry helped me see that I'm happy this way. It's what's going on. And I think it's right. Even in my development as a person I'm always a work in progress. Especially in my development as a person I'm never finished. Life isn't what we do after everything is put away, and I don't need to wait to share myself with others until every aspect of my personality is perfect.

(I'm even going to stop editing right now and click "publish". If I waited until every phrase and punctuation mark were exactly how I wanted them you'd never see this.)

Jumping Jack

Our favorite family past-time these days is watching Brandon in the bouncy swing.

Thanks to the Mills for lending it to us!

The latest

Naptime in the bathroom

My son is an excellent night-time sleeper. He goes down around the same time every night---usually without much of a fuss---and he'll sleep for 8-9 hours, wake up to eat, and then go right back to sleep for another 2-3 hours.

I know. What a good boy.

Naps during the day, though, are another matter entirely. If that man isn't tired he will not sleep. He's good to let me know when he does need the nap, and if he is tired, he'll fall asleep anywhere: the grocery store, the park, a live jazz concert (true story). But sometimes a whole day goes by with only an hour nap here, a 20 minute nap there. He's super happy and interactive these days, which makes it fun to play, but the no-nap / short-nap thing can often interfere with my getting things done. So when he does choose sleep, you bet I try my best to let him stay asleep. Buying what time I can.

The other day Brandon fell asleep in the swing while I showered, so I totally left him in there. I only got an hour out of it, but still. :)

Currently reading: Fox in Socks

by Dr. Seuss


My little man loves that book. It always gets him to coo and smile.

(To put this in context and give you an idea of what our life is like now, I have to tell you that he spit up all over the bed right after this video. Sigh. The highs and lows of parenting . . .)

Too handsome for words!

My little man

Brandon Alexander
born August 5, 2010
8 lbs 3 oz